So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
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