ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
