That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize
