My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Randomize
