I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
