You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
