it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
