Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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