Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Randomize
