you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Randomize
