Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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