I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
