have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Randomize
