What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.