Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
