Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Randomize
