We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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