Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
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