It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
