Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
