Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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