I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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