I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
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