So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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