Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
this will be a night to untag.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
