i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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