In America we eat man semen.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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