The maid of honor just puked.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Oh god it's open bar.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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