based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
