you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
