so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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