A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
