No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Congratulations! We have a period
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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