Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
