Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
false alarm. still invincible.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
