yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Randomize
