Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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