i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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