at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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