I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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