I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
We have so much sex to catch up on
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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