you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
