i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Randomize
