the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
