I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
