Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
