At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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