Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
