Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
