Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
