We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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