My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
