this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
