I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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