Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
