Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
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I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
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U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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