i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
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