never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Randomize
