Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
