Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize