How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
