wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
