we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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