all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
