I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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