I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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