I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
We need to get me chipped asap
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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