y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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