I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
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