Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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