I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
