You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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