She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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