OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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