i think my tv is drunk
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
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