I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
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I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
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What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
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