wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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