It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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