I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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