u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
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