I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
