my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Randomize
