dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
