dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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