onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
