I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
