youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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