There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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